Rye Meetings

Poetry, thoughts, stories, and more

”...You're really handsome, you know that right?” Wide-eyed. “I'm sorry, what?” “You're attractive... hasn't anyone ever told you that before?” “I'm sorry is this a fucking joke?” “No one's ever told you?” “My family, but they're supposed to say it.” “Well, a lot of us think you're handsome but we just don't say anything 'cause we're scared.” “...How the fuck am I scary?” “Cause you're attractive.” “Well... goddamn I wish someone had told me.” “Well, now you know... what are you gonna do about it?” “...Do you wanna go on a date?” A smile. “Is that just because I told you you're hot?” “Honestly... yes.”

#FreeVersePoetry #Poetry

My mom's then-boyfriend was driving my mom, me, and my siblings home late one night. My mom yelled at me for being too rowdy at one o'clock in the morning, setting a bad example for my siblings.

I was teary-eyed, looking down at the floorboard. When I won the window seat, I liked to make eye contact with anybody who was in the backseat of the car next to us on the road. 

We hit a red light.

So I turned to look at the car beside us. It was a black sedan, There was a kid in the backseat there too. They looked sad and teary-eyed like me. We made eye contact just stared at each other for what seemed like forever.

The kid smiled and began to wave. I didn't know what to do. My kid-brain believed I would be committing to something and that that kid might possibly turn into a monster (for a reason I can't recall now) if I were to wave back. So I ducked under the window.

The light turned green.

I popped my head back up and I saw the kid staring back at me, smile gone.

I raised my hand to wave.

But their car turned left as we sped straight. I craned my neck to see if they saw that I tried or at least started to wave back, but their car was lost in the reddish-orange fog of the street lights.

I couldn't look out the window for the rest of the ride. I just stared at the floorboard. I could tell in my peripheral that other late-night kids were trying to communicate with me from their own backseats, but I wouldn't have been good to talk to. I couldn't wave back because I was a scaredy-cat.

I think about that moment, once in a blue moon, late at night when I dissociate. If that kid was okay and grew up okay. If they're still breathing and going about their life. And if they even remember that moment and me. And that I didn't wave back.

#Personal #SmallStories

I want to be able to do all the things. Read + write + sew + knit + crochet + be the best cat mom ever and more. I can't do all those things if I don't optimize my time.

After clocking out, I traveled home this past Saturday feeling uneasy. Towards the end of the day, one of my managers rudely and abruptly interrupted an interaction I was having with a customer to use the computer I was in front of. I was baffled that she would interrupt me like that so I just stood stupid staring at her for a minute. There was no apology from her.

My conversation with that customer had no hopes of being redeemed.

The customer wasn't going to buy anything — which is ultimately our tangible goal as sales associates — but solidifying lasting and meaningful relationships is where we have to really excel in a world where people hate useless people.

I walked onto the floor and made myself constructively busy to mask how pissed I was. Over our radio she said, “Geez Mara, I just wanted to use the computer. Why'd you have to look at me like I was crazy?”

Bracing myself, gritting my teeth: “The customer always comes first. And even though my customer wasn't going to buy, you abruptly ended our interaction toward a positive outcome for the store.”

No response.

I don't regret what I said. I do regret my initial response to her interrupting my customer and I.

Being assertive with people I know is hard for me. But we can't be solely self-serving in a field where we're to advise people on their purchases. People already sees salespeople as slimey. I refuse to further that belief at my job.

Getting home that night, I knew I needed to focus on something other than myself but I needed to stay awake. Otherwise I'd do something useless like take an anger nap or stare in the mirror and poke at my imperfections for at least two hours. So I sat at my laptop debating on what to do instead of sleep.

I thought about all the ways I spend time unproductively.

I spend a significant amount of my time looking at clothing + makeup. Fashion has always been intriguing to me since I was little, and makeup has become so somewhat recently. I've been hooked on the YouTube Beauty Community since late-highschool. Consuming this content is great for developing my makeup skill, but I feel my wallet is too well-acquainted with Sephora's prices. I've been laying off watching most beauty guru's for the past few months because work has gotten a bit more intensive for me. I still keep up with the drama, but watching less of the beauty guru's content helps me not focus on what I have and don't have makeup-wise. And this in turn opens up more time for me to live my life with purpose.

So I deleted 5,000+ promotional emails from my personal Gmail, it took a long-ass time, but I did it. Most of it was clothing and makeup offers. I'm also thinking about going through my emails tagged as updates and social too, but maybe it'd just be easier to start clean with a new email address and possibly new email client. I'll have to look into that.

Even though I look at my inbox sporadically whether or not I receive emails, it still time spent. And that time adds up. I'd rather it add up to something worthwhile than something mindless.

I still feel susceptible to impulse purchases, but now I at least am not bombarded with them on my primary messaging client.

#personal #blog #rambleramble

Content + Trigger Warning: Graphic and sexual descriptions concerning body dysmorphia at a young age.

Read more...

“Rose tint my world Keep me safe from my trouble and pain”

“Give yourself over to absolute pleasure... Don't dream it, be it”

— Rose Tint My World, Rocky Horror Picture Show

#Music #SongQuotes

Content warning: Mentions of suicide and death.

Read more...

She got off the bus at her stop. Her mommy wasn't there though.

So she waited. She found a way to make looking at the sidewalk fun. Cars passed her. Some slowed down and stared at her.

She wasn't taught stranger danger So a warm car seemed nicer than the pelting sleet. Looking wasn't fun anymore.

The little girl started to ball. “Maybe she's dead. Maybe that's why she wasn't here.” “But what do I do if Mommy's dead?” “But maybe she could've overslept... She does that a lot.”

She was stuck thinking.

But eventually she built up the resolve to trek her way home. She'd only ever walked with Mommy before. But maybe her feet would remember the path.

She lugged one foot in front of the other on the sidewalk. Cars didn't slow down for her anymore.

She finally saw home after what seemed like a long time walking.

Walking up to each door, she searched for the right number combination.

It didn't take too long — the girl recognized her family's door! She held her breath and opened her home's door with a smile.

Mom was watching TV.

#ShortStory #FreeversePoem

I want to do all the things. Be into wearing crazy hair, baking, writing calligraphy, knitting, crocheting, volunteering, travelling, being a part-time teacher, learning High Valyrian and more.

But I always come back to writing.

I know if I spread myself too thin, I'll be a jack-of-all-trades, master of none. I'd love to be a master of everything and knowledgeable, but as far as it's known we only get this one life. And we'll typically live until around 75 years old.

55 years is a long time to learn many things. But with new ideas being developed in every field at every moment, I don't believe one person will ever be the most knowledgeable in their chose field or fields of practice.

I'd like to be a master of language, primarily English, and English literature. I enjoy writing, so it feels natural to commit to it.

I would love for sewing, knitting, and crocheting to be my secondary hobbies.

Self-care will always be a mandatory endeavor, Caring for my health, my body, and my mind.

Exploring and learning is fun, it makes me feel alive. These are the things that I believe I want to stay committed to in the long run.

  • Language + Literature
  • Sewing
  • Knitting + Crocheting
  • Self-care

I'm very much still a novice in all these areas. But some experience is better than none. I don't plan on stopping anytime.

Enter your email to subscribe to updates.