Commodified Mistress of None

“Jack of all trades, master of none – Oft better than a master of one.”

This is something I try to remind myself of often. Being the curious person I am, my interest is piqued by all sorts of subjects. This leads to a lot of different activities I want to explore in such a small amount of time.

I see the look in my partner's eyes as he watches me march off to work through my JavaScript course, write 500 words, and/or follow along with a calligraphy book. I know he's thinking, “How long will this one last?” If I had it my way, I'd be involved with countless different hobbies. But I only have two hands, and there are only 24 hours in a day.

My latest interest is drawing. I've always wanted to sketch the characters I've created, but never really pushed myself to. Playing Octopath Traveler has changed that. Even though they're not my own characters, I definitely want to take time to draw these people. I never thought I'd be someone to draw fanart for a lot of reasons, but here I am.

I can't draw well right now, and I won't for a long, long time — but this is something I want to work on.

The adult in me tells me to commit to one hobby or a select amount of hobbies and hone them. But my end-goal isn't to become a master in any of these fields. At most, my hobbies are something I'll tell someone during an interview or in a conversation. My end goal isn't to be a commodity.

It feels weird to say that as I frame a lot of what I do in how I can be useful to others. Honestly, I've had this mindset since I was a child. If my hobbies make me more valuable to someone, like an employer, then that's a huge plus for my future — anyone's future. I think that's why others sometimes pressure us flighty people to settle for one or a select amount of hobbies.

My end goal really is just to enjoy life and learning.

But I'm starting to realize that knowledge has a complicated relationship with status.

Nothing will ever stop me from being inquisitive. Though I can't help but purse my lips and wonder if all I'll ever be to some people is the set of skills I've learned.

#Monologue #Personal