Rye Meetings

SongFeature

I first heard this song while I was working one weekend.

This is one of those droning songs you can bob your head to and bounce your sole to. A good bassline in sync with drums always makes me smile a little too. I tried listening to more of their work, but I wasn't really intrigued. I imagine though I'll come back to their music in a few years' time and enjoy the majority of it — or at least come to appreciate it.

I can't say much else besides I love the fact that it's buoyant while being vacant in delivery. That's a feeling I'm well-acquainted with.

“I'm no longer alone I don't sit on my own Still there's the echo of laughter”

#Music #SongFeature

I had a balls-to-the-wall stressful day at work today.

But my day started nicely, and now it's ending nicely as well.

It started out with good music, which is always awesome.

The music system for our store had just booted up. My co-worker was getting the store set up, and I walked up to the counter to grab things for the day. We usually shoot the shit while we get the store ready, but the original version of this song came on.

My co-worker, who's close to 9 to 10 years older than me, started humming the lyrics. I joined in as soon as I recognized the lyrics. Her eyes had that flicker of “Oh?” when she saw me hum with her — Then we started singing together and dancing. And then my other co-worker walked up and joined in too. We all had a fun few minutes of dancing, shaking our asses, and just being free.

She was surprised I even knew the song after.

“You must've been a baby kindergartener when this song was out! I was in middle school.”

“I probably was. I actually first heard this song through a bluegrass cover, when I was younger.”

“Ohhh, okay. I see.”

My other co-worker chirped in to affirm that she's heard of the cover I was talking about.

I have almost always gotten along with kids and people older than me. I say kids now, but honestly, I just mean any late-20-something, which is a millennial. And I usually blend in with this generation until historic moments are brought up like Y2K, 9/11, etc. With shit like that I mention, I was seven months, two years old, and so on, and the game is over. I'm singled out as an outside baby amongst these big bag oldies. And it remains that way until the conversation's reset.

(The only time I really get a chuckle out of poking fun at me and a friend's age difference is when Smells Like Teen Spirit comes on, and I let them know I was -8 years old when that came out. Their eyes widening and seeing me as not even a li'l embryo during that time — That's fucking hilarious.)

It felt nice to know that we shared that bit of culture together, even if through a slightly different messenger. It's nice pleasantly surprising people that you share something with them.

I loved starting my day with that.

#Personal #Music #SongFeature

Dimlite – Sun-Sized Twinkles

During my freshman and sophomore years of high school, one of my favorite ways to digest music was to listen to BBC's Radio 1 Essential Mixes. I'd find an artist that sounded interesting, or who I vaguely knew of, and listened to their two-hour set. I'd be doing my schoolwork, going on a walk, staring at the wall, and these would play in the background.

I remembered these mixes this weekend while I was cleaning, and was curious if they'd still strike the same chord with me as it did then. I put on Flying Lotus' mix. I actually didn't finish the mix, because I remembered how much I love this song.

This song touches the part of my soul that always has a raincloud over it. This song is sad, dark, and lonely. But the loneliness it evokes is also very peaceful at times, in a sort of reductive, insular way. It makes me understand that I'm not so much trapped in life as I am someone that tests the bounds of what living is. I can be trapped in my illness, in this vessel that was forced on me or I can make the most of this mass of particles that is “me” since there is nothing else I can truly claim or control.

I'm not really one for strictly categorizing music by genre, but I think this would be considered part of the noise genre? I've never been able to get into noise music from everything I've heard, but music that toes the line of noise? I'm all about that — Extracting beauty out of chaos, but still honoring its chaotic nature.

I've looked nearly everywhere I could think of for lyrics to this song. I'm able to understand a little bit of what's sung. I like knowing the lyrics to the songs I listen to on repeat because it helps me understand the emotion behind it and frame it in the context of my life better. I don't like guessing the lyrics, it almost feels like guessing the meaning to a poem — even though that's what makes music and poetry fun sometimes.

Since no other place I've found has the lyrics for this song, I'm going to post what I am able to decipher, as I decipher it here. Hopefully, this provides some clarity to those looking for it. Over time, if I realize I heard something wrong or understand what was sung better, I'll edit these lyrics below.

Anyways, this is what I've always been able to decipher. And without the name of the song I doubt I would've figured it out:

Blinded by twinkles, the size of the sun They're smiling-sized twinkles, my soul's on the run

#Music #SongFeature #Monologue

Gábor Szabó – Galatea's Guitar

Listened to this whole album for the first time tonight. This is honestly just what I needed.

I think I've heard other songs by him before. I listen to jazz periodically. It's one of my favorite genres, if not my favorite genre. I'd love to have a wider selection of favorite jazz artists and albums, but too much of it at times is sensory overload for me. My mind is always going. So when my mind's in a dark place or getting to that if I can focus mentally on something else then that's ideal. I get exhausted trying to keep up though sometimes. It's like juggling. I can nearly always make sense of the orderly chaos, but I do get disoriented discovering new forms and interpretations of chaos and order.

I'm not exhausted now though — far from it.

#Music #SongFeature

Kali Uchis – Ridin' Round

(Content warning: Explicit lyrics, drugs mentioned)

Ah, Kali Uchis. I've followed her for a while, since her Por Vida album. I found her through Tyler, The Creator, in my initial listen of Cherry Bomb. I heard her voice on Find Your Wings and that was all I needed to be.

There are two versions of this song. One is more Latin-influenced, and then there's this one which I can only describe as a bubblegum lollipop song with sass. This is the version I heard first and played during my junior + senior year, so I'm attached to this one.

Songs that say, “Screw you. I'm a woman and I'm proud. I don't need you for my self-worth,” ignite a fire within me. I don't have an ex I hate — I've just lived most of my life chasing things to please others, never really to please myself.

This is one of those songs I'll bob, sway, and sing to when I'm alone. I love to flip my hair and play with it to this song. I imagine this being a fun song to play and dance to with your friends.

I love most, if not all, of her discography. I'd say she's one of my top female artists.

This song makes me feel like a badass independent bitch who's happy in her skin out to conquer the world with her friends. Listening to this, I automatically don't give a damn about what strangers think of me.

“I know it sounds strange, but I used to count change On the counter at the grocery store, the bags I would arrange Now his face is looking kinda flustered He didn't know that I was my own hustler”

#Music #SongFeature

Sweet Honey in the Rock – Wanting Memories

I first heard this song at a closing ceremony. It was a closing ceremony for what I will call here, this summer school for fun. Our choral group sang this. This version is the closest to what I heard in that auditorium.

This was the summer before my senior year in high school. It was and still is the best summer and time of my life. I’ve rattled on about how I’m an inquisitive person, and that was to my detriment socially. I say this though because I know being inquisitive is not something to be ashamed of, like I believed it was. At this summer school, everyone was inquisitive. And they were all my age. I’d never been in such an environment before.

There is nothing like feeling you belong.

For context, I was 17 and I was a veritable hot mess. In my junior year, I had a few mental breakdowns, but nothing that took away from my near-valedictorian grades. However, in my senior year, I had several breakdowns, which resulted in me almost flunking out of school. These breakdowns also resulted in my admission to a children’s psychiatric ward.

My senior year is the year my obsessive-compulsive disorder took center stage. And I had absolutely no understanding of it. I was convinced to the core that this meant I was schizophrenic like my grandmother.

Imagine a voice yelling through a megaphone horribly degrading, lewd thoughts. All this while you’re trying to think the instinctual thoughts to live and function in this world.

Among them these thoughts: “You’re a piece of shit.” “You should pick that up.” “Why even try? Just give in and kill yourself.”

These were never physical voices, and I never had hallucinations, so no psychiatrist diagnosed me with schizophrenia. These were all internal voices in my head — these voices weren’t me and they weren’t auditory. With that I also had small routines that then I was sure would keep me sane. With all this I was diagnosed with severe OCD.

This song is that the summer before my path in life became unmistakeably foggy. This song is the summer before I understood that my future would not be yet in my hands until almost two years later simply because my mental illness was an impediment to my family. This song is the summer where I felt comfortable approaching the world at my fingertips like a child at a globe. Now I look at that globe, years later, and thumb over it lovingly. There was a moment in time where I couldn’t approach the world without cowering in fear of my OCD and the opinions of my family.

This is one of the few songs that bring me to tears. In fact, I believe it is the only song that does that.

I remember being surrounded by people who never doubted me, what it was like to be encouraged to be yourself, even encouraged.

I guess I’m trying to search for that quietly wherever I find myself.

Right now that perfect summer is a memory. I understand it is a memory that is always with me and defines who I am as a person. It is a memory that gives me courage that maybe one day I’ll find another place, another person, another thing that embraces me the same. It is a memory that isn’t poisoned by my mental illness, where I was truly happy.

If I don’t ever come across this elusive environment, I have the peace that I experienced it all the same.

I can’t say that I was immediately confident in myself after attending this summer school for fun, but it started an irreversible snowball effect of me believing in myself. Without this summer school, I’m not sure there’d be any chance in me believing in myself now. I’m not sure there’d be any chance of me living past seventeen years.

I doubt I’ll ever feel a loving push like that again. But it is a goal in my life to come back and teach for this institution. At the very least, be a resident advisor for a hall. There are others out there who need this experience. It would be an honor for me to guide them through their journey. If I can get just one kid to understand they are not alone, ever, I could die happy.


“I think on the things that made me feel so wonderful when I was young. I think on the things that made me laugh, made me dance, made me sing. I think on the things that made me grow into a being full of pride. I think on these things, for they are true.”

#Music #Personal #SongFeature

Honestly, I am still figuring out how I want to define my little corner of the Internet. I truly adore music too much not to share it with anyone. So I'm going to start sharing music on a regular to semi-regular basis because why the hell not?

Arcade Fire – Cold Wind

First heard this on my Six Feet Under binge years ago. I think I was a freshman. It’s still my favorite song by Arcade Fire. It’s not on any of their own albums, which makes me sad. But thank goodness for the web preserving random bits and pieces of this world.

I’m not naturally adept at music, so I don’t go out of my way to learn any instrument. But this is one of the few songs that actually makes me want to learn how to play a guitar.    For me a lot of songs have notes that don’t express much upon first listen. It’s the lyrics that carry the journey. With this song, the initial and repeated notes carry the narrative from the get-go, with the lyrics. And together they never falter. The notes and lyrics weave to structure something intense and haunting. I find it beautiful.   When I listen to this song I find myself deep in introspection, if I’m not already. This is also one of those songs I play when I feel hollow, like the joy’s been scooped and excavated out of my body. When I’m staring at the wall doubting my life or frustrated with nature. This song is a blanket.

#Music #SongFeature